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Wednesday, 23 March 2011

2011 Budget Special

George Osborne announced today in the budget the the planned rises in fuel duty was to be scrapped, and the price of fuel lowered. The move was welcomed by the motoring lobby, who felt that asking motorists to pay a bit more towards the wider costs of mass motoring was a step too far. One source close to one of the large motoring lobbies said “This increase would have been a step too far,” adding, “What’s next, some sort of excise duty levied on cars based on their emissions? It’s bad enough that we have to shoulder the entire cost of  the building and upkeep of the roads.”

A-petrol-pump-001Image courtesy of The Guardian


The move was particularly welcomed by owners of particularly inefficient cars, such as 4X4 (also known as SUV) vehicles, who had been worried that the planned increase in fuel duty might have forced them to reduce their vehicle use. One Land Rover Discovery owner spoke to us about her concerns; “I was worried that with the planned fuel duty rise I might have to start walking the kids to school. It must be a good half a mile’s hoof. It wouldn’t be safe walking the kids anyway, what with all those 4X4s parked and driving on the pavements near the school. It’s a disgrace.”


Osborne also announced the new “Fair fuel stabiliser,” which had been anticipated by some commentators. One source close to the treasury said “Motoring is important for our economic growth, it is widely known that only people in cars contribute to our nation’s economic prosperity. It is important in these difficult economic times that we continue to shield motorists from the wider economic, health, environmental and social costs associated with private car use.” He went on to add, “ It makes sense to go one step further and shield them from the actual price of oil too.”

We spoke to one man who was very pleased with the news, “I had been getting the bus to work due to the current price of petrol. I’ll be glad to be able to drive again, the buses were every few minutes and they got me to work quicker because of the bus lanes, but who wants to have to mix with those filthy proles?” He went on to add, “I hear a lot of noise about cycling, but I work almost 2 and a half miles away. I can’t be expected to travel that kind of distance on a bike, I’m no Lance Armstrong.”

Budget Concerns

Osborne was challenged by opposition MPs as to how the country can afford this new measure when public spending cuts are so prevalent in other government departments. A source claimed that Osborne re-assured them that we had the money to spare thanks to “The removal of subsidies for rural bus services, library closures, tuition fee increases, increases in rail fares, reductions in benefits and scrapping Cycling England,” adding, “As a conservative-led government, we aim to help those who already have the means to help themselves.”


  1. Ahh. Many a true word spoken in jest. I like the tone but despair at the actualité. Kind of sad now :-(

  2. I fully expect a forecourt party at the Land Rover garage I cycle past on the way to work!

  3. Very witty Meestar Cee :>)

    Kind of understand Darryls despair, in that I can imagine some people coming out with some of your quotes & actually believing them!

    Off to go dodging 4x4s now (collecting the kids on foot) ;>D

  4. It was just the sort of budget you would expect from the self styled "Greenest Government ever", an exercise in style over substance.

  5. A very depressing budget for pedestrians and cyclists. The only good stuff was the small bit of extra rail investment and the clinical trials streamlining.

    To be depressed more, check out the Guardian's interview with Hoverboard Hammond


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